I have a ginger-rap-artist-friend that blames the fall of the American man on Seth Cohen from The OC. He suggests that Seth Cohen, a nerd and coward, never in real life would've been able to "pull" Summer Roberts, who was wealthy, popular and incredibly sexy, way more so than Seth. But even if that weren't the case, Seth severely lacked the charisma that might have compensated for his gooberish physical attractiveness, or perhaps unattractiveness. His greatest failing was always that he was such a puss.
Their relationship had little basis in reality, but the show was a generational touchstone, so in addition to being a plot hole that spanned the series, the Seth-Summer relationship has instilled, in the millions of gooberish real world men who bought the DVD box set, completely unreasonable sexual expectations. Again I'll argue, it's not just the discrepancy in attractiveness. A lot of women I know find Seth Cohen incredibly attractive, in a "cool nerd" sort of way; if we're honest, most real world Seth Cohens are just "nerd nerd".
The disturbing fact is that these OC goobers hold on to the toxic idea that you don't have to expand your interests, and at least try to improve your physical appearance and health, to find mates that may be a little more "out of your league". No, she'll love me anyway is the mentality. She'll read my comic books and dress up like Wonder Woman and happily make love to a scrawny-chub body that is upholstered in acne. Worked for Seth!
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| No way. |
So...TV shows aren't real...not exactly a breakthrough is it?
But what if they are real, or at least try to be, or at least for the first few seasons before the zaniness goes overboard? OK so The Office is finally coming to an end next week, and as former die hard this comes as welcome news. I remember discovering the show in high school and burning through two and a half seasons in a matter of days; I count the 2nd season among my favorites of any show. Like a lot of people my loyalty began to waver right around when Michael left for Colorado, and by the end of Will Ferrell's strange run it was no longer appointment viewing. I am now roughly two seasons behind and everything I know about this final season is hearsay. I guess Pam is dating the boom operator.
I was an Office goober, so I was in love with Pam Beasley. Smitten by her gentle playfulness and infuriated by her devotion to Roy, naturally I put myself in Jim Halpert's shoes. "Casino Night", the season two finale, was a masterful and devastating culmination of years of sexual tension and unrequited love. Jim professes his love to Pam outside of the warehouse, to which Pam can only reply "You have no idea what your friendship means to me". I can't think of a more crushing response. It was like she was shutting me down,and I took it like a punch to the gut.
So Jim moved to Connecticut before Season 3, forced to move on with his life, but everyone who watches TV knew they would end up together. Sure enough, a series of convenient corporate layoffs brings Jim back to Scranton, even though he was in a new relationship, we knew it was a matter of time. After a season of stalling, PB&J finally make it official, ending the show's most essential driving story and initiating its decline.
Of course, anyone that has ever been stuck in the Friend Zone knows that Halpert's comeback is absurd. 99% of the time you can't change the other person's mind about you; they either feel the same way or they don't. Jim has been working at the office with Pam for years when we enter the story. Years of, presumably, pranks and unacceptable workplace flirting with an engaged woman. If nothing had happened between them up to that point, then nothing was going to happen. If Jim and Pam had a drunken make out session at party the first weekend they knew each other their journey would make more sense. But they had worked together for that long and hadn't touched each other? Stick a fork in him.
But the implausibility is not at the heart of "The Halpert Delusion"; we've already established that TV shows aren't real. Like "The Cohen Conceit", "The Halpert Delusion" is toxic because you are paralyzed into maintaining the status quo. Getting over someone is hard, but you find ways to cope; maybe you, I don't know, move to a new city! And you may suffer for a time, but once you've reached the other side you could find that you've grown; you have new interests and talents that you didn't even know you possessed. You might even say "What the hell did I see in this person? Moving was the best thing that ever happened to me."
But hey, you gotta hand it to Jim though...right? Defying all odds, his Herculean mental effort to escape the Friend Zone succeeds. All the suffering, loneliness, self-pity, it was all worth it. After all, who needs Oscar nominee Amy Adams, Rashida Jones,and New York City? Jim's got paper. Jim's got Scranton. Jim's got Pam Beasley... the art school dropout. "But Jim loved her!" you might say. And yes, love is important, but it's hardly everything. What about your career? Your sense of satisfaction in your social life? Your pride? Age? Jim turns down potentially life changing opportunities so he can wake up every morning, spend the day selling paper and pulling pranks with Pam, go home every night and rub one out to her Facebook photos? To conclude, let's just recap. Jim turns down this:
... and then THIS:
...for this:
...where were his friends?
THE OFFICE> EVERYTHIN
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