When it comes to snacks, if nothing else, I’m a chip man. Since I was a kid, greedily devouring Fritos at the snack bar between my basketball games, chips have been a food group I value highly, enjoy liberally, and take great pride in understanding. I choose the word “understanding” because I make no pretensions of being the most knowledgeable chip guy out there. Undoubtedly there are scholars out there whose knowledge of the chip, its cultural impact, and its health benefits far exceed my own. I love chips the same way I love music. I may not necessarily know the really obscure hipster brands and independent chip makers, but I know what I like and I'm populist at heart. I believe there’s room in this world for the crunchy, satisfying numbness niche of Cape Cod Sea Salt and Vinegar, and the mainstream lingering fake cheese-spiciness of a Spicy Nacho Dorito.What I am is a fella who knows chips are great and tasty, and knows a great chip when he tastes one. So when I talk about Ms. Vickies Jalapeño being great, truly ">EVERYTHIN", know that when it comes to chips I'm worth my salt.
I first encountered Ms. Vickies Jalapeño chips in the cafeteria during my freshman year of college. Through high school and up until that time I had a steady thing going with Kettle brand Salt and Pepper Krinkle cuts. I was happy and we were doing ok, but this was college, babe. I was feeling adventurous and needed to experiment and try new things and generally "do me". It was the brand I noticed first, while standing in line at the register. I had never seen Ms. Vickies before, and being from Maryland I assumed it was a West Coast thing (Fortunately I have since seen plenty of Ms. Vickies in Subway's on the Atlantic coast). They were exotic and alluring, and piqued my youthful curiosity.
The following exchange between myself and the cashier, a reasonably friendly middle aged black woman who's name escapes me and we'll call Charla, is 100% authentic, and reveals the effect MVJ on the average person. I'll also mention that she hadn't said more than "Hey" and "Thanks" to anyone ahead of me.
Paul: Hello.
Charla: Hey.
(Charla notices the chips).
Charla: Ms. Vickies huh?
Paul: Yeah I've never had them before.
Charla: I fuck those chips up.
Paul: Oh good!
I opened the bag, took a nibble, and that was it for me. First, the seasoning. Sweet Jesus. The elegant balance between the salt and jalapeño dust is masterfully articulated in every bag. Rarely if ever will you find a chip overly seasoned. You might say "the over-seasoned chips are the best ones you wuss", and in some cases I'd agree (finding the one Cool Ranch Dorito in the bag that is completely covered in zesty ranch seasoning is a great joy for us all). But going overboard with Jalapeño flavors and spicy snacks in general can leave you in an uncomfortable situation, particularly when you're without a beverage. I've never once had that issue with MVJ. The execution is consistently phenomenal.
courtesy of bestpotatochips.com
And the crunch. That perfect, perfect crunch. These chips offer just enough resistance to allow for plenty of visceral, life giving munching. Again I'm on the side of subtlety here. (If anyone involved in the chip business is reading this, here's a friendly tip from a fan: if my jaw starts clicking after eating even a small number of your chips, then you ought to consider reducing the cruchiness. I love what you do but we can't all be heroes).
But perhaps the most impressive quality MVJ brings to the palate is its longevity. Like so many of us (I'm hoping, or this might sound odd), one of my favorite ways to eat chips is to pop a couple in my mouth and let them melt away slowly. In this manner of consumption, Vickie is simply on a different level of excellence. As I write this the MVJs in my mouth have been dissolving for no less than 7 minutes. This is madness. Pound for pound, we're talking about Now and Later, Jolly Rancher, Samuel L. Jackson levels of longevity. And it's not like they're even mushy or flavorless yet!
There was also a time where I had bought a bag of MVJ, opened it, forgot about it (shame on me) and left it open and exposed overnight. Realizing my horrific error the next morning, I desperately tried one if only to
The easiest place to find MJV is at Subway, but lucky for me the convenience store on the first floor of my building carries them, as well as the BBQ and salt and vinegar varieties. I sometimes mess with the other flavors, enjoyable flings to be sure, but I always come back to the Jalapeno. I eat one bag of these chips every day minimum. In my attempts to become a healthier person I have tried to develop a personal "no junk food before 11 AM" rule, but usually by 10:15 I have to sneak out and buy a bag because I'm weak and gross and Vickie is awful seductress. If you haven't tried them you might not understand, but if you have you probably fuck those chips up too. So say it with me now...
MISS VICKIE'S JALAPENO CHIPS> EVERYTHIN.
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